A Klassy American Christmas Killing

From NBC News, “A 14-year-old Florida teen fatally shot his sister in an argument over Christmas gifts, only to be shot moments later by his own teenage brother, authorities said. The argument started when the brothers, ages 14 and 15, were out shopping on Christmas Eve Sunday with their mother and sister and got into a spat over who was receiving more Christmas gifts, Pinellas County Sheriff Bob Gualtieri said at a news conference. After shopping, the boys, their mother, their 23-year-old sister, Abrielle Baldwin, and Baldwin’s two young children, ages 11 months and 6, went to their grandmother’s home in Largo, where the argument continued. That’s when the 14-year-old brother ‘stood in the doorway, he took out his .40-caliber semi-automatic handgun, and he pointed it at [his brother] and told him he was going to shoot him in the head,’ Gualtieri said. The 14-year-old argued with her, called her ‘derogatory’ terms and shot her in the chest as she was holding her infant in the carrier, Gualtieri said. She fell, and the baby fell, too, but was unharmed. The 15-year-old brother then came outside, took out a .45-caliber semi-automatic handgun, exclaimed, ‘You shot my motherf—— sister!’ and shot the 14-year-old one time in the stomach, the sheriff’s office said.”

This story is hilarious, and I mean that in a literal sense. What better way to celebrate America’s death culture and the holiday spirit than to have two family teens shooting each other and killing their sister? This is the perfect tableau of American society. I have to say, this family brought it on themselves. Did no one in the family find it a concern that two bearly teenage boys should possess or have access to two handguns? No one thought that to be dangerous? Oh, well. They were asking for it. I definitely don’t care about this tragedy, but I do appreciate the humor of it. Only in stupid f***ing America! You get a gun for Christmas. And you get a gun for Christmas. And you get a gun for Christmas.